From Conflict To Connection

Tyler’s parents, Joseph and Sarah, recently divorced after being married for 10 years. They grew apart over time, and Sarah knew it was time for her to end the relationship.

Tyler divided his time between his parents, being reassured that they both loved him and wanted the best for him. He was told this was a good thing for their family and he believed his parents, as his experience has been that they have only the best of intentions for him.

Not long after they divorced, Joseph began dating Sarah’s best friend, eventually marrying her. Sarah was unspeakably hurt by this and feeling betrayed and angry. Tyler was now in the middle of a very contentious co-parenting relationship as his parents hired attorneys and use time with their son as a way to get back at each other for the hurt they felt. This is when a judge ordered Joseph to therapeutic supervised parenting time in SCAN’s Family Connections program.

When Tyler arrived for his first visit, he is all smiles and laughs with his dad. When the therapist shares how the visit went with Sarah, she rolls her eyes and says, “Whatever.”

The next time Tyler comes for a visit, he’s withdrawn and sad. After awhile, he perks up and plays with Joseph. This same pattern begins to repeat itself over time. After several visits have occurred, Tyler begins accusing his father of terrible things, yelling and banging his head against the wall in distress. The therapist stops the visit and contacts both attorneys to share the inappropriate information being told to Tyler.

After this incident, both Joseph and Sarah begin to attend SCAN’s high-conflict parenting class, “Always a Parent.” At the first class, Sarah and Joseph chose seats on opposite ends of the room. They listened as SCAN’s class leader shared how conflict in co-parenting affects the children, resulting in isolating them with their emotions since they don’t feel like they have anyone to depend on. Sarah and Joseph began to learn tools to resolve their own conflict while putting Tyler first.

Each week, Sarah and Joseph moved a little closer to each other and by the last class, they were talking and laughing together. They pull the class leader aside at the end and shared that they wished they had attended the class when they first divorced. They realized that their own anger had made them bitter to the point of forgetting how important their co-parenting was to Tyler. Each began to enjoy their time with Tyler, taking the time to talk and play, showing him how much they love him.

Learn more about these services by going to the Family Connections page.